Evil Son: C03

Chapter: 3 | CHAPTER THREE

• Previous
• Next
• ToC

CHAPTER THREE

---

This novel was posted on cnt18 [dot] blogsp0t [dot] com, by anasiana. If you're not reading it there, you get what you get ￣へ￣)

_{"A, your lips are so red."}
Back then, the argument they had ended like this:

"A, your lips are so red."

_{"A, your lips are so red."}That's the truth. Even though I'm their biological son... before, I always believed that despite my body's deformity, my family was perfect... at least, until that day.

"A, your lips are so red."

_{I would then look at him flabbergasted, and from within his eyes I'd see a strange (erotic) expression. And after being called a slut by the class monitor, I had begun feeling terror and unease because of it. What did he mean, what's his intention?}
The student committee member called my deskmate, Meng Zhaoxiong outside, and half and hour after they had left, they walked back in as if nothing had happened.

I would then look at him flabbergasted, and from within his eyes I'd see a strange (erotic) expression. And after being called a slut by the class monitor, I had begun feeling terror and unease because of it. What did he mean, what's his intention?

_{I looked at him with astonishment. And the class monitor stared at me coldly, his dark pupils seeming like two nails that pierced a person right through. He cocked his head to the side, then said in a voice others couldn't make out but I could hear clearly, as he again repeated with his frigid tone, "A slut. I'm saying you're slut who's going around seducing boys! Don't you have any shame?"}Could I go to my classmates and tell them the secret abut my body and ask them to share this suffering clinging to me on my behalf?

I looked at him with astonishment. And the class monitor stared at me coldly, his dark pupils seeming like two nails that pierced a person right through. He cocked his head to the side, then said in a voice others couldn't make out but I could hear clearly, as he again repeated with his frigid tone, "A slut. I'm saying you're slut who's going around seducing boys! Don't you have any shame?"

_{"A, your lips are so red."}N/A

"A, your lips are so red."

_{My father then came over and crouched beside me, gently taking my bleeding hand into his own, saying, "Xiao'A, your hand's bleeding. Come, let dad bandage it up for you."}
Aside fro their clothes looking a bit untidy, they seemed basically the same.

My father then came over and crouched beside me, gently taking my bleeding hand into his own, saying, "Xiao'A, your hand's bleeding. Come, let dad bandage it up for you."

_{My sleep was deep, but I knew for certain that person's voice was not a dream. I didn't know whether it was my mother or my father, but my heart had already grown cold. I had dreamt I shed stream after stream of tears, and after I awoke, I found my pillow was completed covered in the dried stains of tears.}But, apart from him, I never spoke with anyone else.

My sleep was deep, but I knew for certain that person's voice was not a dream. I didn't know whether it was my mother or my father, but my heart had already grown cold. I had dreamt I shed stream after stream of tears, and after I awoke, I found my pillow was completed covered in the dried stains of tears.

_"What?"Back then, the argument they had ended like this:

"What?"

_{I would then look at him flabbergasted, and from within his eyes I'd see a strange (erotic) expression. And after being called a slut by the class monitor, I had begun feeling terror and unease because of it. {What did he mean, what's his intention?}}That day, for the first time, I didn't tell my parents goodnight and just went upstairs to bed. It was my first time realising the family I relied on for so long, that warmth and kindness that gave me endless comfort, was actually all an act, it was all cold!

I would then look at him flabbergasted, and from within his eyes I'd see a strange (erotic) expression. And after being called a slut by the class monitor, I had begun feeling terror and unease because of it. What did he mean, what's his intention?

_{Regardless of whether we were out shopping, going to kindergarten, or crossing the road, my mother would always pry away my hand when it held on tightly to her clothes or fingers, saying gently, "Xiao'A, you're a man, aren't you? So it wouldn't be good if mama holds your hand now, would it?" But..}
When they went outside, the deskmate of the student committee member—who was also our class monitor, and whose most hated person in this entire class was probably me... well, I guess it was like this because he usually stared me down with an icy gaze. And occasionally, when he looked back to talk, it was only to my deskmate. Even if he did say a word to me, his tone held a lot of disdain. I have no idea why he would even hate me this much. The look in his eyes when he sees me is like one glancing at something inferior, and it often times fills me with fright. He couldn't have sensed the secret about my body, right? But... from a logical standpoint, that would be impossible. It's impossible he would be aware of it, impossible.... Oh, what was I taking about again? Oh right, after the student committee member and my deskmate went outside, the class monitor turned around, his voice laced with arrogance a he looked at me then said frigidly, "SlutT/n: He used the word 祸水: huoshui, which refers to a person who brings calamity, especially a woman. Think, Helen of Troy meets Jezebel^[1]."

Regardless of whether we were out shopping, going to kindergarten, or crossing the road, my mother would always pry away my hand when it held on tightly to her clothes or fingers, saying gently, "Xiao'A, you're a man, aren't you? So it wouldn't be good if mama holds your hand now, would it?" But... she never expressed her disgust... until that night, until the night we were sitting at the dinner table. At that time, my mother had handed me my bowl and chopsticks, but when I took them, I was careless and had touched her hand by mistake. My mother immediately shook away my hand away as if it was instinct, the bowl landing onto the floor with a crash... My mom shook away my hand just like you would shake off a disgusting caterpillar.

_{CHAPTER THREE}
"What?"

CHAPTER THREE

_{Fearfully, I looked down at the note stuffed in my hand, it read:}That day, for the first time, I didn't tell my parents goodnight and just went upstairs to bed. It was my first time realising the family I relied on for so long, that warmth and kindness that gave me endless comfort, was actually all an act, it was all cold!

Fearfully, I looked down at the note stuffed in my hand, it read:

_But..I looked at him with astonishment. And the class monitor stared at me coldly, his dark pupils seeming like two nails that pierced a person right through. He cocked his head to the side, then said in a voice others couldn't make out but I could hear clearly, as he again repeated with his frigid tone, "A slut. I'm saying you're slut who's going around seducing boys! Don't you have any shame?"

But... the arrogance and contempt in his tone had deeply pierced my heart. It's probably because of the secret of my body... my deformity—clutching this unspeakable and embarrassing body secret of mine has caused me so much loneliness and isolation as well as suffering! The kind of psychological burden this body puts on me is something regular people my age could never imagine! If they're under pressure they can cry and whine about it to vent. If it's puppy love, they'll suffer only shallow criticism. If they perform poorly at school than before, they'll only be called lazy. If it's something that causes them great worry, they can just get psychological consultations through which they'll gain the appropriate resolutions for their issue. But me... I can't do any of those! I can't...

_◈◇◈
I looked at him with astonishment. And the class monitor stared at me coldly, his dark pupils seeming like two nails that pierced a person right through. He cocked his head to the side, then said in a voice others couldn't make out but I could hear clearly, as he again repeated with his frigid tone, "A slut. I'm saying you're slut who's going around seducing boys! Don't you have any shame?"

◈◇◈

_{The unease welling in my chest swelled. I had n idea why it was I had felt so nervous, so I just lowered my head and continued working on my problem.}CHAPTER THREE

The unease welling in my chest swelled. I had n idea why it was I had felt so nervous, so I just lowered my head and continued working on my problem.

_{I was stunned stiff... my now awkward mother was just as stunned too. After a long suffocating time had passed, it was my father who spoke out to mediate the situation. "Ah, what an accident! Everything is alright, so just eat quickly, alright, Xiao'A? I'll clean up the pieces."}
I was stunned.

I was stunned stiff... my now awkward mother was just as stunned too. After a long suffocating time had passed, it was my father who spoke out to mediate the situation. "Ah, what an accident! Everything is alright, so just eat quickly, alright, Xiao'A? I'll clean up the pieces."

_{The unease welling in my chest swelled. I had n idea why it was I had felt so nervous, so I just lowered my head and continued working on my problem.}My tears could no longer be held back and finally fell, dripping on my father's rough hands drop by drop—I could see it, I could see my father hands tremble.

The unease welling in my chest swelled. I had n idea why it was I had felt so nervous, so I just lowered my head and continued working on my problem.

_{My face grew heated on account of his stare, and from embarrassment, I could only hang my head low. Suddenly, he twisted his head, pulling a piece of paper from his notebook and began writing something.}I looked at him with astonishment. And the class monitor stared at me coldly, his dark pupils seeming like two nails that pierced a person right through. He cocked his head to the side, then said in a voice others couldn't make out but I could hear clearly, as he again repeated with his frigid tone, "A slut. I'm saying you're slut who's going around seducing boys! Don't you have any shame?"

My face grew heated on account of his stare, and from embarrassment, I could only hang my head low. Suddenly, he twisted his head, pulling a piece of paper from his notebook and began writing something.

_{I'm a man... I am... and I can't cry in front of my parents.}More than anything, I don't even dare go asking my parents to console me. I already know giving birth to me, a son with such a burdensome sin of a body, has been a heavy spiritual burden! Because their position in our society is so impressive and distinguished, if the world found out about their only son possessing such a body, how could they endure it? My mom and dad take care of me in every possible way, but... from the way they look at me... I know they would rather not have a son like me. They look at me with sorrowful eyes that hold within them hopelessness along with disgust.

I'm a man... I am... and I can't cry in front of my parents.

_{Fearfully, I looked down at the note stuffed in my hand, it read:}
I stared at the class monitor dumbfounded while he looked at me with arrogance then just turned away. I dazedly held my head straight, as if there was no way to turn my head away.

Fearfully, I looked down at the note stuffed in my hand, it read:

_{That's the truth. Even though I'm their biological son... before, I always believed that despite my body's deformity, my family was perfect... at least, until that day.}Right then, a hot and sweaty hand suddenly reached out to hold my own, speedily tucking a piece of paper into my palm. I looked up with a start, but Meng Zhaoxiong's tall figure had already picked up his school-bag and quickly left his seat.

That's the truth. Even though I'm their biological son... before, I always believed that despite my body's deformity, my family was perfect... at least, until that day.

_{My tears could no longer be held back and finally fell, dripping on my father's rough hands drop by drop—I could see it, I could see my father hands tremble.}
What did the class monitor mean?

My tears could no longer be held back and finally fell, dripping on my father's rough hands drop by drop—I could see it, I could see my father hands tremble.

_{And it caused my heart to pound with ferocity as I stared at Meng Zhaoxiong's burning eyes confusedly, having no idea what to say, and could only impatiently lick my lips. As a result, his gaze fixed on me, both eyes directly, and his breathing gradually quickened.}When I was little, I noticed my mother never liked holding my hand.

And it caused my heart to pound with ferocity as I stared at Meng Zhaoxiong's burning eyes confusedly, having no idea what to say, and could only impatiently lick my lips. As a result, his gaze fixed on me, both eyes directly, and his breathing gradually quickened.

_{Could I go to my classmates and tell them the secret abut my body and ask them to share this suffering clinging to me on my behalf?}But... the arrogance and contempt in his tone had deeply pierced my heart. It's probably because of the secret of my body... my deformity—clutching this unspeakable and embarrassing body secret of mine has caused me so much loneliness and isolation as well as suffering! The kind of psychological burden this body puts on me is something regular people my age could never imagine! If they're under pressure they can cry and whine about it to vent. If it's puppy love, they'll suffer only shallow criticism. If they perform poorly at school than before, they'll only be called lazy. If it's something that causes them great worry, they can just get psychological consultations through which they'll gain the appropriate resolutions for their issue. But me... I can't do any of those! I can't...

Could I go to my classmates and tell them the secret abut my body and ask them to share this suffering clinging to me on my behalf?

_{My father then came over and crouched beside me, gently taking my bleeding hand into his own, saying, "Xiao'A, your hand's bleeding. Come, let dad bandage it up for you."}I was stunned.

My father then came over and crouched beside me, gently taking my bleeding hand into his own, saying, "Xiao'A, your hand's bleeding. Come, let dad bandage it up for you."

_{Aside fro their clothes looking a bit untidy, they seemed basically the same.}
I'm a s-slut... Why would he say I was seducing boys?

Aside fro their clothes looking a bit untidy, they seemed basically the same.

_{I scrambled over ahead of my father and bent down to pick up the shattered ceramic pieces of the broken bowl, doing so because I was afraid that if I didn't go there and crouch down, the tears would force their way out of my eyes in front of my parents and there would be nowhere to hide!} 祸水: huò shuǐ: a person whose the source of a disaster, usually a woman. I honestly couldn't come up with an English term for it. Slut/harlot has the sting but not the full weight. Blight and scourge have the meaning but not seduction/treachery of a Helen, Jezebel, or Delilah (the biblical one, not you if that's your name). So in the end I prioritised the sting. Slut, or maybe harlot. The next chapter is fun (┬┬﹏┬┬)

I scrambled over ahead of my father and bent down to pick up the shattered ceramic pieces of the broken bowl, doing so because I was afraid that if I didn't go there and crouch down, the tears would force their way out of my eyes in front of my parents and there would be nowhere to hide!

_{That's the truth. Even though I'm their biological son... before, I always believed that despite my body's deformity, my family was perfect... at least, until that day.}I looked at him with astonishment. And the class monitor stared at me coldly, his dark pupils seeming like two nails that pierced a person right through. He cocked his head to the side, then said in a voice others couldn't make out but I could hear clearly, as he again repeated with his frigid tone, "A slut. I'm saying you're slut who's going around seducing boys! Don't you have any shame?"

That's the truth. Even though I'm their biological son... before, I always believed that despite my body's deformity, my family was perfect... at least, until that day.

_{Right then, a hot and sweaty hand suddenly reached out to hold my own, speedily tucking a piece of paper into my palm. I looked up with a start, but Meng Zhaoxiong's tall figure had already picked up his school-bag and quickly left his seat.} 祸水: huò shuǐ: a person whose the source of a disaster, usually a woman. I honestly couldn't come up with an English term for it. Slut/harlot has the sting but not the full weight. Blight and scourge have the meaning but not seduction/treachery of a Helen, Jezebel, or Delilah (the biblical one, not you if that's your name). So in the end I prioritised the sting. Slut, or maybe harlot. The next chapter is fun (┬┬﹏┬┬)

Right then, a hot and sweaty hand suddenly reached out to hold my own, speedily tucking a piece of paper into my palm. I looked up with a start, but Meng Zhaoxiong's tall figure had already picked up his school-bag and quickly left his seat.

_{Afterwards, during this summer vacation of my sophomoric high school year, I witnessed the dispute between my deskmate and the student committee member; and I was maliciously criticised by the class monitor. Those events leaving one question to blossom into my mind: Even though, to me, others are invisible, it might not necessarily be that they are ignoring me like I was ignoring them.}
I—I'm a boy! So why would I go seducing other boys? Besides, I rarely ever talk to others of my own volition, so I honestly have no idea why the class monitor would lay such a baffling charge on me!

Afterwards, during this summer vacation of my sophomoric high school year, I witnessed the dispute between my deskmate and the student committee member; and I was maliciously criticised by the class monitor. Those events leaving one question to blossom into my mind: Even though, to me, others are invisible, it might not necessarily be that they are ignoring me like I was ignoring them. So in their eyes, what kind of person do I seem to be?

_{I would then look at him flabbergasted, and from within his eyes I'd see a strange (erotic) expression. And after being called a slut by the class monitor, I had begun feeling terror and unease because of it. {What did he mean, what's his intention?}}Could I go to my classmates and tell them the secret abut my body and ask them to share this suffering clinging to me on my behalf?

I would then look at him flabbergasted, and from within his eyes I'd see a strange (erotic) expression. And after being called a slut by the class monitor, I had begun feeling terror and unease because of it. What did he mean, what's his intention?

_{I would then look at him flabbergasted, and from within his eyes I'd see a strange (erotic) expression. And after being called a slut by the class monitor, I had begun feeling terror and unease because of it. {What did he mean, what's his intention?}}◈◇◈

I would then look at him flabbergasted, and from within his eyes I'd see a strange (erotic) expression. And after being called a slut by the class monitor, I had begun feeling terror and unease because of it. What did he mean, what's his intention?

_{Afterwards, during this summer vacation of my sophomoric high school year, I witnessed the dispute between my deskmate and the student committee member; and I was maliciously criticised by the class monitor. Those events leaving one question to blossom into my mind: Even though, to me, others are invisible, it might not necessarily be that they are ignoring me like I was ignoring them.}Over time, he and I became more and more casual with one another, so he'd just say as he'd like. One time he said:

Afterwards, during this summer vacation of my sophomoric high school year, I witnessed the dispute between my deskmate and the student committee member; and I was maliciously criticised by the class monitor. Those events leaving one question to blossom into my mind: Even though, to me, others are invisible, it might not necessarily be that they are ignoring me like I was ignoring them. So in their eyes, what kind of person do I seem to be?

_{The year it all happened, I was fourteen years old—fourteen and in Grade two of junior high. And from that moment onwards, I never acted spoiled with my parents. I had grown up. For the first time in my life, I realised the only person in this world I could rely on was myself.}
But... the arrogance and contempt in his tone had deeply pierced my heart. It's probably because of the secret of my body... my deformity—clutching this unspeakable and embarrassing body secret of mine has caused me so much loneliness and isolation as well as suffering! The kind of psychological burden this body puts on me is something regular people my age could never imagine! If they're under pressure they can cry and whine about it to vent. If it's puppy love, they'll suffer only shallow criticism. If they perform poorly at school than before, they'll only be called lazy. If it's something that causes them great worry, they can just get psychological consultations through which they'll gain the appropriate resolutions for their issue. But me... I can't do any of those! I can't...

The year it all happened, I was fourteen years old—fourteen and in Grade two of junior high. And from that moment onwards, I never acted spoiled with my parents. I had grown up. For the first time in my life, I realised the only person in this world I could rely on was myself.

_{That day, for the first time, I didn't tell my parents goodnight and just went upstairs to bed. It was my first time realising the family I relied on for so long, that warmth and kindness that gave me endless comfort, was actually all an act, it was all cold!}The student committee member called my deskmate, Meng Zhaoxiong outside, and half and hour after they had left, they walked back in as if nothing had happened.

That day, for the first time, I didn't tell my parents goodnight and just went upstairs to bed. It was my first time realising the family I relied on for so long, that warmth and kindness that gave me endless comfort, was actually all an act, it was all cold!

_{I looked at him with astonishment. And the class monitor stared at me coldly, his dark pupils seeming like two nails that pierced a person right through. He cocked his head to the side, then said in a voice others couldn't make out but I could hear clearly, as he again repeated with his frigid tone, "A slut. I'm saying you're slut who's going around seducing boys! Don't you have any shame?"}"A, this evening, after self-study, meet me at McDonald's. See you there."

I looked at him with astonishment. And the class monitor stared at me coldly, his dark pupils seeming like two nails that pierced a person right through. He cocked his head to the side, then said in a voice others couldn't make out but I could hear clearly, as he again repeated with his frigid tone, "A slut. I'm saying you're slut who's going around seducing boys! Don't you have any shame?"

_{I looked at him with astonishment. And the class monitor stared at me coldly, his dark pupils seeming like two nails that pierced a person right through. He cocked his head to the side, then said in a voice others couldn't make out but I could hear clearly, as he again repeated with his frigid tone, "A slut. I'm saying you're slut who's going around seducing boys! Don't you have any shame?"}
Could I go crying to my teacher and tell them I'm a person with both sexes and I'm suffering greatly?

I looked at him with astonishment. And the class monitor stared at me coldly, his dark pupils seeming like two nails that pierced a person right through. He cocked his head to the side, then said in a voice others couldn't make out but I could hear clearly, as he again repeated with his frigid tone, "A slut. I'm saying you're slut who's going around seducing boys! Don't you have any shame?"

_{Could I go to my classmates and tell them the secret abut my body and ask them to share this suffering clinging to me on my behalf?}My tears could no longer be held back and finally fell, dripping on my father's rough hands drop by drop—I could see it, I could see my father hands tremble.

Could I go to my classmates and tell them the secret abut my body and ask them to share this suffering clinging to me on my behalf?

_{I scrambled over ahead of my father and bent down to pick up the shattered ceramic pieces of the broken bowl, doing so because I was afraid that if I didn't go there and crouch down, the tears would force their way out of my eyes in front of my parents and there would be nowhere to hide!}
Could I go to my classmates and tell them the secret abut my body and ask them to share this suffering clinging to me on my behalf?

I scrambled over ahead of my father and bent down to pick up the shattered ceramic pieces of the broken bowl, doing so because I was afraid that if I didn't go there and crouch down, the tears would force their way out of my eyes in front of my parents and there would be nowhere to hide!

_{After that dispute, my deskmate, Meng Zhaoxiong, had gotten closer. Even though I still didn't talk all that much, in my heart, I had already ascertained he was good person. So every time he spoke to me, I never pretended I didn't notice or ignore him.}Meng Zhaoxiong's eyes made gradually understand it a little.

After that dispute, my deskmate, Meng Zhaoxiong, had gotten closer. Even though I still didn't talk all that much, in my heart, I had already ascertained he was good person. So every time he spoke to me, I never pretended I didn't notice or ignore him.

_{Back then, the argument they had ended like this:}
More than anything, I don't even dare go asking my parents to console me. I already know giving birth to me, a son with such a burdensome sin of a body, has been a heavy spiritual burden! Because their position in our society is so impressive and distinguished, if the world found out about their only son possessing such a body, how could they endure it? My mom and dad take care of me in every possible way, but... from the way they look at me... I know they would rather not have a son like me. They look at me with sorrowful eyes that hold within them hopelessness along with disgust.

Back then, the argument they had ended like this:

_N/A
That's the truth. Even though I'm their biological son... before, I always believed that despite my body's deformity, my family was perfect... at least, until that day.

N/A

_{I—I'm a boy! So why would I go seducing other boys? Besides, I rarely ever talk to others of my own volition, so I honestly have no idea why the class monitor would lay such a baffling charge on me!}I looked at him with astonishment. And the class monitor stared at me coldly, his dark pupils seeming like two nails that pierced a person right through. He cocked his head to the side, then said in a voice others couldn't make out but I could hear clearly, as he again repeated with his frigid tone, "A slut. I'm saying you're slut who's going around seducing boys! Don't you have any shame?"

I—I'm a boy! So why would I go seducing other boys? Besides, I rarely ever talk to others of my own volition, so I honestly have no idea why the class monitor would lay such a baffling charge on me!

_{Right then, a hot and sweaty hand suddenly reached out to hold my own, speedily tucking a piece of paper into my palm. I looked up with a start, but Meng Zhaoxiong's tall figure had already picked up his school-bag and quickly left his seat.}
When I was little, I noticed my mother never liked holding my hand.

Right then, a hot and sweaty hand suddenly reached out to hold my own, speedily tucking a piece of paper into my palm. I looked up with a start, but Meng Zhaoxiong's tall figure had already picked up his school-bag and quickly left his seat.

_{The student committee member called my deskmate, Meng Zhaoxiong outside, and half and hour after they had left, they walked back in as if nothing had happened.}Over time, he and I became more and more casual with one another, so he'd just say as he'd like. One time he said:

The student committee member called my deskmate, Meng Zhaoxiong outside, and half and hour after they had left, they walked back in as if nothing had happened.

_{The student committee member called my deskmate, Meng Zhaoxiong outside, and half and hour after they had left, they walked back in as if nothing had happened.}
Regardless of whether we were out shopping, going to kindergarten, or crossing the road, my mother would always pry away my hand when it held on tightly to her clothes or fingers, saying gently, "Xiao'A, you're a man, aren't you? So it wouldn't be good if mama holds your hand now, would it?" But... she never expressed her disgust... until that night, until the night we were sitting at the dinner table. At that time, my mother had handed me my bowl and chopsticks, but when I took them, I was careless and had touched her hand by mistake. My mother immediately shook away my hand away as if it was instinct, the bowl landing onto the floor with a crash... My mom shook away my hand just like you would shake off a disgusting caterpillar.

The student committee member called my deskmate, Meng Zhaoxiong outside, and half and hour after they had left, they walked back in as if nothing had happened.

_{Could I go crying to my teacher and tell them I'm a person with both sexes and I'm suffering greatly?}But, apart from him, I never spoke with anyone else.

Could I go crying to my teacher and tell them I'm a person with both sexes and I'm suffering greatly?

_{Afterwards, during this summer vacation of my sophomoric high school year, I witnessed the dispute between my deskmate and the student committee member; and I was maliciously criticised by the class monitor. Those events leaving one question to blossom into my mind: Even though, to me, others are invisible, it might not necessarily be that they are ignoring me like I was ignoring them.}Could I go to my classmates and tell them the secret abut my body and ask them to share this suffering clinging to me on my behalf?

Afterwards, during this summer vacation of my sophomoric high school year, I witnessed the dispute between my deskmate and the student committee member; and I was maliciously criticised by the class monitor. Those events leaving one question to blossom into my mind: Even though, to me, others are invisible, it might not necessarily be that they are ignoring me like I was ignoring them. So in their eyes, what kind of person do I seem to be?

_{The unease welling in my chest swelled. I had n idea why it was I had felt so nervous, so I just lowered my head and continued working on my problem.}I looked at him with astonishment. And the class monitor stared at me coldly, his dark pupils seeming like two nails that pierced a person right through. He cocked his head to the side, then said in a voice others couldn't make out but I could hear clearly, as he again repeated with his frigid tone, "A slut. I'm saying you're slut who's going around seducing boys! Don't you have any shame?"

The unease welling in my chest swelled. I had n idea why it was I had felt so nervous, so I just lowered my head and continued working on my problem.

_But..
I was stunned stiff... my now awkward mother was just as stunned too. After a long suffocating time had passed, it was my father who spoke out to mediate the situation. "Ah, what an accident! Everything is alright, so just eat quickly, alright, Xiao'A? I'll clean up the pieces."

But... the arrogance and contempt in his tone had deeply pierced my heart. It's probably because of the secret of my body... my deformity—clutching this unspeakable and embarrassing body secret of mine has caused me so much loneliness and isolation as well as suffering! The kind of psychological burden this body puts on me is something regular people my age could never imagine! If they're under pressure they can cry and whine about it to vent. If it's puppy love, they'll suffer only shallow criticism. If they perform poorly at school than before, they'll only be called lazy. If it's something that causes them great worry, they can just get psychological consultations through which they'll gain the appropriate resolutions for their issue. But me... I can't do any of those! I can't...

_{Meng Zhaoxiong's eyes made gradually understand it a little.}
I scrambled over ahead of my father and bent down to pick up the shattered ceramic pieces of the broken bowl, doing so because I was afraid that if I didn't go there and crouch down, the tears would force their way out of my eyes in front of my parents and there would be nowhere to hide!

Meng Zhaoxiong's eyes made gradually understand it a little.

_{I stared at the class monitor dumbfounded while he looked at me with arrogance then just turned away. I dazedly held my head straight, as if there was no way to turn my head away.}
I'm a man... I am... and I can't cry in front of my parents.

I stared at the class monitor dumbfounded while he looked at me with arrogance then just turned away. I dazedly held my head straight, as if there was no way to turn my head away.

_{祸水: huò shuǐ: a person whose the source of a disaster, usually a woman.}
Piece of the broken porcelain had cut my had, but it was my heart that had really been sliced through... Even my parents—even they were disgusted by me...

祸水: huò shuǐ: a person whose the source of a disaster, usually a woman. I honestly couldn't come up with an English term for it. Slut/harlot has the sting but not the full weight. Blight and scourge have the meaning but not seduction/treachery of a Helen, Jezebel, or Delilah (the biblical one, not you if that's your name). So in the end I prioritised the sting. Slut, or maybe harlot. The next chapter is fun (┬┬﹏┬┬)

_{Afterwards, during this summer vacation of my sophomoric high school year, I witnessed the dispute between my deskmate and the student committee member; and I was maliciously criticised by the class monitor. Those events leaving one question to blossom into my mind: Even though, to me, others are invisible, it might not necessarily be that they are ignoring me like I was ignoring them.}Fearfully, I looked down at the note stuffed in my hand, it read:

Afterwards, during this summer vacation of my sophomoric high school year, I witnessed the dispute between my deskmate and the student committee member; and I was maliciously criticised by the class monitor. Those events leaving one question to blossom into my mind: Even though, to me, others are invisible, it might not necessarily be that they are ignoring me like I was ignoring them. So in their eyes, what kind of person do I seem to be?

_{Piece of the broken porcelain had cut my had, but it was my heart that had really been sliced through... Even my parents—even they were disgusted by me...}"A, your lips are so red."

Piece of the broken porcelain had cut my had, but it was my heart that had really been sliced through... Even my parents—even they were disgusted by me...

_{And it caused my heart to pound with ferocity as I stared at Meng Zhaoxiong's burning eyes confusedly, having no idea what to say, and could only impatiently lick my lips. As a result, his gaze fixed on me, both eyes directly, and his breathing gradually quickened.}The unease welling in my chest swelled. I had n idea why it was I had felt so nervous, so I just lowered my head and continued working on my problem.

And it caused my heart to pound with ferocity as I stared at Meng Zhaoxiong's burning eyes confusedly, having no idea what to say, and could only impatiently lick my lips. As a result, his gaze fixed on me, both eyes directly, and his breathing gradually quickened.

_{Piece of the broken porcelain had cut my had, but it was my heart that had really been sliced through... Even my parents—even they were disgusted by me...}
My father then came over and crouched beside me, gently taking my bleeding hand into his own, saying, "Xiao'A, your hand's bleeding. Come, let dad bandage it up for you."

Piece of the broken porcelain had cut my had, but it was my heart that had really been sliced through... Even my parents—even they were disgusted by me...

_"What?""What?"

"What?"

_{Fearfully, I looked down at the note stuffed in my hand, it read:}"A, this evening, after self-study, meet me at McDonald's. See you there."

Fearfully, I looked down at the note stuffed in my hand, it read:

_{I'm a man... I am... and I can't cry in front of my parents.}When they went outside, the deskmate of the student committee member—who was also our class monitor, and whose most hated person in this entire class was probably me... well, I guess it was like this because he usually stared me down with an icy gaze. And occasionally, when he looked back to talk, it was only to my deskmate. Even if he did say a word to me, his tone held a lot of disdain. I have no idea why he would even hate me this much. The look in his eyes when he sees me is like one glancing at something inferior, and it often times fills me with fright. He couldn't have sensed the secret about my body, right? But... from a logical standpoint, that would be impossible. It's impossible he would be aware of it, impossible.... Oh, what was I taking about again? Oh right, after the student committee member and my deskmate went outside, the class monitor turned around, his voice laced with arrogance a he looked at me then said frigidly, "SlutT/n: He used the word 祸水: huoshui, which refers to a person who brings calamity, especially a woman. Think, Helen of Troy meets Jezebel."

I'm a man... I am... and I can't cry in front of my parents.

_"What?"
My tears could no longer be held back and finally fell, dripping on my father's rough hands drop by drop—I could see it, I could see my father hands tremble.

"What?"

_{I'm a man... I am... and I can't cry in front of my parents.}I'm a s-slut... Why would he say I was seducing boys?

I'm a man... I am... and I can't cry in front of my parents.

_{I was stunned stiff... my now awkward mother was just as stunned too. After a long suffocating time had passed, it was my father who spoke out to mediate the situation. "Ah, what an accident! Everything is alright, so just eat quickly, alright, Xiao'A? I'll clean up the pieces."}More than anything, I don't even dare go asking my parents to console me. I already know giving birth to me, a son with such a burdensome sin of a body, has been a heavy spiritual burden! Because their position in our society is so impressive and distinguished, if the world found out about their only son possessing such a body, how could they endure it? My mom and dad take care of me in every possible way, but... from the way they look at me... I know they would rather not have a son like me. They look at me with sorrowful eyes that hold within them hopelessness along with disgust.

I was stunned stiff... my now awkward mother was just as stunned too. After a long suffocating time had passed, it was my father who spoke out to mediate the situation. "Ah, what an accident! Everything is alright, so just eat quickly, alright, Xiao'A? I'll clean up the pieces."

_{Could I go crying to my teacher and tell them I'm a person with both sexes and I'm suffering greatly?}
That day, for the first time, I didn't tell my parents goodnight and just went upstairs to bed. It was my first time realising the family I relied on for so long, that warmth and kindness that gave me endless comfort, was actually all an act, it was all cold!

Could I go crying to my teacher and tell them I'm a person with both sexes and I'm suffering greatly?

_{Sometime in the middle of the night back then, I could've sworn someone had placed a kiss on my forehead, along with a sobbing muffled voice saying:}Fearfully, I looked down at the note stuffed in my hand, it read:

Sometime in the middle of the night back then, I could've sworn someone had placed a kiss on my forehead, along with a sobbing muffled voice saying:

_{I was stunned stiff... my now awkward mother was just as stunned too. After a long suffocating time had passed, it was my father who spoke out to mediate the situation. "Ah, what an accident! Everything is alright, so just eat quickly, alright, Xiao'A? I'll clean up the pieces."}More than anything, I don't even dare go asking my parents to console me. I already know giving birth to me, a son with such a burdensome sin of a body, has been a heavy spiritual burden! Because their position in our society is so impressive and distinguished, if the world found out about their only son possessing such a body, how could they endure it? My mom and dad take care of me in every possible way, but... from the way they look at me... I know they would rather not have a son like me. They look at me with sorrowful eyes that hold within them hopelessness along with disgust.

I was stunned stiff... my now awkward mother was just as stunned too. After a long suffocating time had passed, it was my father who spoke out to mediate the situation. "Ah, what an accident! Everything is alright, so just eat quickly, alright, Xiao'A? I'll clean up the pieces."

_{I would then look at him flabbergasted, and from within his eyes I'd see a strange (erotic) expression. And after being called a slut by the class monitor, I had begun feeling terror and unease because of it. {What did he mean, what's his intention?}}My father then came over and crouched beside me, gently taking my bleeding hand into his own, saying, "Xiao'A, your hand's bleeding. Come, let dad bandage it up for you."

I would then look at him flabbergasted, and from within his eyes I'd see a strange (erotic) expression. And after being called a slut by the class monitor, I had begun feeling terror and unease because of it. What did he mean, what's his intention?

_{So among the crowd of students, I kept quietly to myself. Doing so from the second year of junior high to my second year as a senior high school student, for those three years, my place in that campus and classrooms was like a drop of oil in water. There was no way for me to mingle with others, and no way for me to join in and become one of their own. They had their world, and I had my shackles.}
Sometime in the middle of the night back then, I could've sworn someone had placed a kiss on my forehead, along with a sobbing muffled voice saying:

So among the crowd of students, I kept quietly to myself. Doing so from the second year of junior high to my second year as a senior high school student, for those three years, my place in that campus and classrooms was like a drop of oil in water. There was no way for me to mingle with others, and no way for me to join in and become one of their own. They had their world, and I had my shackles.

_{But, apart from him, I never spoke with anyone else.}
"I'm so sorry... A... I'm so sorry...Xiao'A."

But, apart from him, I never spoke with anyone else.

_{When I was little, I noticed my mother never liked holding my hand.}I would then look at him flabbergasted, and from within his eyes I'd see a strange (erotic) expression. And after being called a slut by the class monitor, I had begun feeling terror and unease because of it. What did he mean, what's his intention?

When I was little, I noticed my mother never liked holding my hand.

_{My father then came over and crouched beside me, gently taking my bleeding hand into his own, saying, "Xiao'A, your hand's bleeding. Come, let dad bandage it up for you."}The unease welling in my chest swelled. I had n idea why it was I had felt so nervous, so I just lowered my head and continued working on my problem.

My father then came over and crouched beside me, gently taking my bleeding hand into his own, saying, "Xiao'A, your hand's bleeding. Come, let dad bandage it up for you."

_{My sleep was deep, but I knew for certain that person's voice was not a dream. I didn't know whether it was my mother or my father, but my heart had already grown cold. I had dreamt I shed stream after stream of tears, and after I awoke, I found my pillow was completed covered in the dried stains of tears.}
My sleep was deep, but I knew for certain that person's voice was not a dream. I didn't know whether it was my mother or my father, but my heart had already grown cold. I had dreamt I shed stream after stream of tears, and after I awoke, I found my pillow was completed covered in the dried stains of tears.

My sleep was deep, but I knew for certain that person's voice was not a dream. I didn't know whether it was my mother or my father, but my heart had already grown cold. I had dreamt I shed stream after stream of tears, and after I awoke, I found my pillow was completed covered in the dried stains of tears.

_{"A, this evening, after self-study, meet me at McDonald's. See you there."}I looked at him with astonishment. And the class monitor stared at me coldly, his dark pupils seeming like two nails that pierced a person right through. He cocked his head to the side, then said in a voice others couldn't make out but I could hear clearly, as he again repeated with his frigid tone, "A slut. I'm saying you're slut who's going around seducing boys! Don't you have any shame?"

"A, this evening, after self-study, meet me at McDonald's. See you there."

_{What does this mean?}
The year it all happened, I was fourteen years old—fourteen and in Grade two of junior high. And from that moment onwards, I never acted spoiled with my parents. I had grown up. For the first time in my life, I realised the only person in this world I could rely on was myself.

What does this mean?

_{And it caused my heart to pound with ferocity as I stared at Meng Zhaoxiong's burning eyes confusedly, having no idea what to say, and could only impatiently lick my lips. As a result, his gaze fixed on me, both eyes directly, and his breathing gradually quickened.}Meng Zhaoxiong's eyes made gradually understand it a little.

And it caused my heart to pound with ferocity as I stared at Meng Zhaoxiong's burning eyes confusedly, having no idea what to say, and could only impatiently lick my lips. As a result, his gaze fixed on me, both eyes directly, and his breathing gradually quickened.

_But..Meng Zhaoxiong's eyes made gradually understand it a little.

But... the arrogance and contempt in his tone had deeply pierced my heart. It's probably because of the secret of my body... my deformity—clutching this unspeakable and embarrassing body secret of mine has caused me so much loneliness and isolation as well as suffering! The kind of psychological burden this body puts on me is something regular people my age could never imagine! If they're under pressure they can cry and whine about it to vent. If it's puppy love, they'll suffer only shallow criticism. If they perform poorly at school than before, they'll only be called lazy. If it's something that causes them great worry, they can just get psychological consultations through which they'll gain the appropriate resolutions for their issue. But me... I can't do any of those! I can't...

_{More than anything, I don't even dare go asking my parents to console me. I already know giving birth to me, a son with such a burdensome sin of a body, has been a heavy spiritual burden! Because their position in our society is so impressive and distinguished, if the world found out about their only son possessing such a body, how could they endure it? My mom and dad take care of me in every possible way, but.}
So among the crowd of students, I kept quietly to myself. Doing so from the second year of junior high to my second year as a senior high school student, for those three years, my place in that campus and classrooms was like a drop of oil in water. There was no way for me to mingle with others, and no way for me to join in and become one of their own. They had their world, and I had my shackles.

More than anything, I don't even dare go asking my parents to console me. I already know giving birth to me, a son with such a burdensome sin of a body, has been a heavy spiritual burden! Because their position in our society is so impressive and distinguished, if the world found out about their only son possessing such a body, how could they endure it? My mom and dad take care of me in every possible way, but... from the way they look at me... I know they would rather not have a son like me. They look at me with sorrowful eyes that hold within them hopelessness along with disgust.

_{That's the truth. Even though I'm their biological son... before, I always believed that despite my body's deformity, my family was perfect... at least, until that day.}Meng Zhaoxiong's eyes made gradually understand it a little.

That's the truth. Even though I'm their biological son... before, I always believed that despite my body's deformity, my family was perfect... at least, until that day.

_{祸水: huò shuǐ: a person whose the source of a disaster, usually a woman.}I'm a s-slut... Why would he say I was seducing boys?

祸水: huò shuǐ: a person whose the source of a disaster, usually a woman. I honestly couldn't come up with an English term for it. Slut/harlot has the sting but not the full weight. Blight and scourge have the meaning but not seduction/treachery of a Helen, Jezebel, or Delilah (the biblical one, not you if that's your name). So in the end I prioritised the sting. Slut, or maybe harlot. The next chapter is fun (┬┬﹏┬┬)

_{I would then look at him flabbergasted, and from within his eyes I'd see a strange (erotic) expression. And after being called a slut by the class monitor, I had begun feeling terror and unease because of it. {What did he mean, what's his intention?}}The year it all happened, I was fourteen years old—fourteen and in Grade two of junior high. And from that moment onwards, I never acted spoiled with my parents. I had grown up. For the first time in my life, I realised the only person in this world I could rely on was myself.

I would then look at him flabbergasted, and from within his eyes I'd see a strange (erotic) expression. And after being called a slut by the class monitor, I had begun feeling terror and unease because of it. What did he mean, what's his intention?

_{And it caused my heart to pound with ferocity as I stared at Meng Zhaoxiong's burning eyes confusedly, having no idea what to say, and could only impatiently lick my lips. As a result, his gaze fixed on me, both eyes directly, and his breathing gradually quickened.}
◈◇◈

And it caused my heart to pound with ferocity as I stared at Meng Zhaoxiong's burning eyes confusedly, having no idea what to say, and could only impatiently lick my lips. As a result, his gaze fixed on me, both eyes directly, and his breathing gradually quickened.

_{I would then look at him flabbergasted, and from within his eyes I'd see a strange (erotic) expression. And after being called a slut by the class monitor, I had begun feeling terror and unease because of it. {What did he mean, what's his intention?}}I scrambled over ahead of my father and bent down to pick up the shattered ceramic pieces of the broken bowl, doing so because I was afraid that if I didn't go there and crouch down, the tears would force their way out of my eyes in front of my parents and there would be nowhere to hide!

I would then look at him flabbergasted, and from within his eyes I'd see a strange (erotic) expression. And after being called a slut by the class monitor, I had begun feeling terror and unease because of it. What did he mean, what's his intention?

_{Could I go to my classmates and tell them the secret abut my body and ask them to share this suffering clinging to me on my behalf?}I scrambled over ahead of my father and bent down to pick up the shattered ceramic pieces of the broken bowl, doing so because I was afraid that if I didn't go there and crouch down, the tears would force their way out of my eyes in front of my parents and there would be nowhere to hide!

Could I go to my classmates and tell them the secret abut my body and ask them to share this suffering clinging to me on my behalf?

_◈◇◈Could I go crying to my teacher and tell them I'm a person with both sexes and I'm suffering greatly?

◈◇◈

_{I'm a man... I am... and I can't cry in front of my parents.}
Afterwards, during this summer vacation of my sophomoric high school year, I witnessed the dispute between my deskmate and the student committee member; and I was maliciously criticised by the class monitor. Those events leaving one question to blossom into my mind: Even though, to me, others are invisible, it might not necessarily be that they are ignoring me like I was ignoring them. So in their eyes, what kind of person do I seem to be?

I'm a man... I am... and I can't cry in front of my parents.

_{CHAPTER THREE}But, apart from him, I never spoke with anyone else.

CHAPTER THREE

_N/A Aside fro their clothes looking a bit untidy, they seemed basically the same.

N/A

_{Sometime in the middle of the night back then, I could've sworn someone had placed a kiss on my forehead, along with a sobbing muffled voice saying:}
After that dispute, my deskmate, Meng Zhaoxiong, had gotten closer. Even though I still didn't talk all that much, in my heart, I had already ascertained he was good person. So every time he spoke to me, I never pretended I didn't notice or ignore him.

Sometime in the middle of the night back then, I could've sworn someone had placed a kiss on my forehead, along with a sobbing muffled voice saying:

_{Fearfully, I looked down at the note stuffed in my hand, it read:} 祸水: huò shuǐ: a person whose the source of a disaster, usually a woman. I honestly couldn't come up with an English term for it. Slut/harlot has the sting but not the full weight. Blight and scourge have the meaning but not seduction/treachery of a Helen, Jezebel, or Delilah (the biblical one, not you if that's your name). So in the end I prioritised the sting. Slut, or maybe harlot. The next chapter is fun (┬┬﹏┬┬)

Fearfully, I looked down at the note stuffed in my hand, it read:

_{The unease welling in my chest swelled. I had n idea why it was I had felt so nervous, so I just lowered my head and continued working on my problem.}
But, apart from him, I never spoke with anyone else.

The unease welling in my chest swelled. I had n idea why it was I had felt so nervous, so I just lowered my head and continued working on my problem.

_N/A I—I'm a boy! So why would I go seducing other boys? Besides, I rarely ever talk to others of my own volition, so I honestly have no idea why the class monitor would lay such a baffling charge on me!

N/A

_{I was stunned.}
Over time, he and I became more and more casual with one another, so he'd just say as he'd like. One time he said:

I was stunned.

_{That's the truth. Even though I'm their biological son... before, I always believed that despite my body's deformity, my family was perfect... at least, until that day.}After that dispute, my deskmate, Meng Zhaoxiong, had gotten closer. Even though I still didn't talk all that much, in my heart, I had already ascertained he was good person. So every time he spoke to me, I never pretended I didn't notice or ignore him.

That's the truth. Even though I'm their biological son... before, I always believed that despite my body's deformity, my family was perfect... at least, until that day.

_{I was stunned.}"I'm so sorry... A... I'm so sorry...Xiao'A."

I was stunned.

_{My face grew heated on account of his stare, and from embarrassment, I could only hang my head low. Suddenly, he twisted his head, pulling a piece of paper from his notebook and began writing something.}
"A, your lips are so red."

My face grew heated on account of his stare, and from embarrassment, I could only hang my head low. Suddenly, he twisted his head, pulling a piece of paper from his notebook and began writing something.

_{When I was little, I noticed my mother never liked holding my hand.}Sometime in the middle of the night back then, I could've sworn someone had placed a kiss on my forehead, along with a sobbing muffled voice saying:

When I was little, I noticed my mother never liked holding my hand.

_{"A, this evening, after self-study, meet me at McDonald's. See you there."}"What?"

"A, this evening, after self-study, meet me at McDonald's. See you there."

_{My sleep was deep, but I knew for certain that person's voice was not a dream. I didn't know whether it was my mother or my father, but my heart had already grown cold. I had dreamt I shed stream after stream of tears, and after I awoke, I found my pillow was completed covered in the dried stains of tears.}So among the crowd of students, I kept quietly to myself. Doing so from the second year of junior high to my second year as a senior high school student, for those three years, my place in that campus and classrooms was like a drop of oil in water. There was no way for me to mingle with others, and no way for me to join in and become one of their own. They had their world, and I had my shackles.

My sleep was deep, but I knew for certain that person's voice was not a dream. I didn't know whether it was my mother or my father, but my heart had already grown cold. I had dreamt I shed stream after stream of tears, and after I awoke, I found my pillow was completed covered in the dried stains of tears.

_{When they went outside, the deskmate of the student committee member—who was also our class monitor, and whose most hated person in this entire class was probably me..}
I would then look at him flabbergasted, and from within his eyes I'd see a strange (erotic) expression. And after being called a slut by the class monitor, I had begun feeling terror and unease because of it. What did he mean, what's his intention?

When they went outside, the deskmate of the student committee member—who was also our class monitor, and whose most hated person in this entire class was probably me... well, I guess it was like this because he usually stared me down with an icy gaze. And occasionally, when he looked back to talk, it was only to my deskmate. Even if he did say a word to me, his tone held a lot of disdain. I have no idea why he would even hate me this much. The look in his eyes when he sees me is like one glancing at something inferior, and it often times fills me with fright. He couldn't have sensed the secret about my body, right? But... from a logical standpoint, that would be impossible. It's impossible he would be aware of it, impossible.... Oh, what was I taking about again? Oh right, after the student committee member and my deskmate went outside, the class monitor turned around, his voice laced with arrogance a he looked at me then said frigidly, "SlutT/n: He used the word 祸水: huoshui, which refers to a person who brings calamity, especially a woman. Think, Helen of Troy meets Jezebel."

_{That day, for the first time, I didn't tell my parents goodnight and just went upstairs to bed. It was my first time realising the family I relied on for so long, that warmth and kindness that gave me endless comfort, was actually all an act, it was all cold!}
Meng Zhaoxiong's eyes made gradually understand it a little.

That day, for the first time, I didn't tell my parents goodnight and just went upstairs to bed. It was my first time realising the family I relied on for so long, that warmth and kindness that gave me endless comfort, was actually all an act, it was all cold!

_{After that dispute, my deskmate, Meng Zhaoxiong, had gotten closer. Even though I still didn't talk all that much, in my heart, I had already ascertained he was good person. So every time he spoke to me, I never pretended I didn't notice or ignore him.}
And it caused my heart to pound with ferocity as I stared at Meng Zhaoxiong's burning eyes confusedly, having no idea what to say, and could only impatiently lick my lips. As a result, his gaze fixed on me, both eyes directly, and his breathing gradually quickened.

After that dispute, my deskmate, Meng Zhaoxiong, had gotten closer. Even though I still didn't talk all that much, in my heart, I had already ascertained he was good person. So every time he spoke to me, I never pretended I didn't notice or ignore him.

_{I'm a s-slut... Why would he say I was seducing boys?}
My face grew heated on account of his stare, and from embarrassment, I could only hang my head low. Suddenly, he twisted his head, pulling a piece of paper from his notebook and began writing something.

I'm a s-slut... Why would he say I was seducing boys?

_{Could I go to my classmates and tell them the secret abut my body and ask them to share this suffering clinging to me on my behalf?}Over time, he and I became more and more casual with one another, so he'd just say as he'd like. One time he said:

Could I go to my classmates and tell them the secret abut my body and ask them to share this suffering clinging to me on my behalf?

_{I was stunned stiff... my now awkward mother was just as stunned too. After a long suffocating time had passed, it was my father who spoke out to mediate the situation. "Ah, what an accident! Everything is alright, so just eat quickly, alright, Xiao'A? I'll clean up the pieces."}After that dispute, my deskmate, Meng Zhaoxiong, had gotten closer. Even though I still didn't talk all that much, in my heart, I had already ascertained he was good person. So every time he spoke to me, I never pretended I didn't notice or ignore him.

I was stunned stiff... my now awkward mother was just as stunned too. After a long suffocating time had passed, it was my father who spoke out to mediate the situation. "Ah, what an accident! Everything is alright, so just eat quickly, alright, Xiao'A? I'll clean up the pieces."

_{Over time, he and I became more and more casual with one another, so he'd just say as he'd like. One time he said:}
The unease welling in my chest swelled. I had n idea why it was I had felt so nervous, so I just lowered my head and continued working on my problem.

Over time, he and I became more and more casual with one another, so he'd just say as he'd like. One time he said:

_{When I was little, I noticed my mother never liked holding my hand.}
Right then, a hot and sweaty hand suddenly reached out to hold my own, speedily tucking a piece of paper into my palm. I looked up with a start, but Meng Zhaoxiong's tall figure had already picked up his school-bag and quickly left his seat.

When I was little, I noticed my mother never liked holding my hand.

_{Could I go to my classmates and tell them the secret abut my body and ask them to share this suffering clinging to me on my behalf?}
Fearfully, I looked down at the note stuffed in my hand, it read:

Could I go to my classmates and tell them the secret abut my body and ask them to share this suffering clinging to me on my behalf?

_{Afterwards, during this summer vacation of my sophomoric high school year, I witnessed the dispute between my deskmate and the student committee member; and I was maliciously criticised by the class monitor. Those events leaving one question to blossom into my mind: Even though, to me, others are invisible, it might not necessarily be that they are ignoring me like I was ignoring them.}That day, for the first time, I didn't tell my parents goodnight and just went upstairs to bed. It was my first time realising the family I relied on for so long, that warmth and kindness that gave me endless comfort, was actually all an act, it was all cold!

Afterwards, during this summer vacation of my sophomoric high school year, I witnessed the dispute between my deskmate and the student committee member; and I was maliciously criticised by the class monitor. Those events leaving one question to blossom into my mind: Even though, to me, others are invisible, it might not necessarily be that they are ignoring me like I was ignoring them. So in their eyes, what kind of person do I seem to be?

_{More than anything, I don't even dare go asking my parents to console me. I already know giving birth to me, a son with such a burdensome sin of a body, has been a heavy spiritual burden! Because their position in our society is so impressive and distinguished, if the world found out about their only son possessing such a body, how could they endure it? My mom and dad take care of me in every possible way, but.}Regardless of whether we were out shopping, going to kindergarten, or crossing the road, my mother would always pry away my hand when it held on tightly to her clothes or fingers, saying gently, "Xiao'A, you're a man, aren't you? So it wouldn't be good if mama holds your hand now, would it?" But... she never expressed her disgust... until that night, until the night we were sitting at the dinner table. At that time, my mother had handed me my bowl and chopsticks, but when I took them, I was careless and had touched her hand by mistake. My mother immediately shook away my hand away as if it was instinct, the bowl landing onto the floor with a crash... My mom shook away my hand just like you would shake off a disgusting caterpillar.

More than anything, I don't even dare go asking my parents to console me. I already know giving birth to me, a son with such a burdensome sin of a body, has been a heavy spiritual burden! Because their position in our society is so impressive and distinguished, if the world found out about their only son possessing such a body, how could they endure it? My mom and dad take care of me in every possible way, but... from the way they look at me... I know they would rather not have a son like me. They look at me with sorrowful eyes that hold within them hopelessness along with disgust.

_{"A, this evening, after self-study, meet me at McDonald's. See you there."}Regardless of whether we were out shopping, going to kindergarten, or crossing the road, my mother would always pry away my hand when it held on tightly to her clothes or fingers, saying gently, "Xiao'A, you're a man, aren't you? So it wouldn't be good if mama holds your hand now, would it?" But... she never expressed her disgust... until that night, until the night we were sitting at the dinner table. At that time, my mother had handed me my bowl and chopsticks, but when I took them, I was careless and had touched her hand by mistake. My mother immediately shook away my hand away as if it was instinct, the bowl landing onto the floor with a crash... My mom shook away my hand just like you would shake off a disgusting caterpillar.

"A, this evening, after self-study, meet me at McDonald's. See you there."

_{What did the class monitor mean?}
"A, this evening, after self-study, meet me at McDonald's. See you there."

What did the class monitor mean?

_{Could I go to my classmates and tell them the secret abut my body and ask them to share this suffering clinging to me on my behalf?}What does this mean?

Could I go to my classmates and tell them the secret abut my body and ask them to share this suffering clinging to me on my behalf?

_{"A, this evening, after self-study, meet me at McDonald's. See you there."}
What does this mean?

"A, this evening, after self-study, meet me at McDonald's. See you there."

_{I stared at the class monitor dumbfounded while he looked at me with arrogance then just turned away. I dazedly held my head straight, as if there was no way to turn my head away.}I'm a s-slut... Why would he say I was seducing boys?

I stared at the class monitor dumbfounded while he looked at me with arrogance then just turned away. I dazedly held my head straight, as if there was no way to turn my head away.

_{Aside fro their clothes looking a bit untidy, they seemed basically the same.} "What?"

Aside fro their clothes looking a bit untidy, they seemed basically the same.

---

Author's Note:

N/A

Notes:

^1. 祸水: huò shuǐ: a person whose the source of a disaster, usually a woman. I honestly couldn't come up with an English term for it. Slut/harlot has the sting but not the full weight. Blight and scourge have the meaning but not seduction/treachery of a Helen, Jezebel, or Delilah (the biblical one, not you if that's your name). So in the end I prioritised the sting. Slut, or maybe harlot. The next chapter is fun (┬┬﹏┬┬)

• Previous
• Next
• ToC